you look beautiful now

i don't trust myself with making my own decisions most the time.
i wait for the opinion of others.
if they agree or support me,
its golden. i feel good.

If they don't,
well then i can convince myself i need to do what i want.

its a silly thing really,
taking the long road in a sense.

i want to be more comfortable with me.
we'll get there, i know.

why don't i see my best friend more?
have you seen her?
She is beautiful.

Tanner hates me and thinks all i want him for is music and frozen yogurt but its not true!!!!
he will see the light soon.
he is my own blood. DUDE.

"I'm such a terrible scatter brained blogger!!!"
give or take a few exclamations, this is the most recent text i sent.
and its true!!!

close friends,
I'm glad I already know you love me. :p

I'm going to go watch a good movie with Bethany and veg out.
kiiinda my calling in life, a little bit.

really.
i frustrate myself with my lack of focus right now.

what is this!?!
I'm either miss deep thinker 2008
or i can't keep a steady stream of thought for more then 7 seconds!!!



you mean the world to me.
are we okay?
maybe we could talk about it...

max is technically mae...

i know, i'm a slacker big time.

someone needs to hold me accountable for this thing.
lets go get some chai and analyze our lives together via blogspot.
how about it?!
haaaah

Nordstrom's half yearly... why do you dissapoint me so?
i found nothing of my liking within your abundance of highly fashionable clothing.
sigh.
maybe next year will bring me as much good fortune as last year.

i did not however come home empty handed!
oh no,
sunglasses and a sweater vest where very insistent on coming home with me.

I added something to my list today.
I'm not sure why it took me so long to add, actually.

#214
play keys for a hardcore band, at a legit show.

yesssss please.


i think my list needs some revising.
like... i have literally done half of it i think.
amazing.
i am amazing.
not to toot my own horn or anything...
just giving it a little love tap.

i haven't done my penny march in awhile tho...
join me!!!!

one of my songs will be on itunes soon.
whoop!
another check mark on the list.

we are just on a roll here....


I'm going to go color now!!
ahhh, sounds so good.

on the verge of convincing myself

really gas? REALLY? is it completely necessary to be so expensive??

i would like to think this is teaching me something.
really, i would.



on a heavier note.

i know what i want to do with my life.
and i will not settle.

God,
please tell me i hear you and not my own reverberations of desire.

this year will be a year of changes.
and i hope i have the strength to keep some things the same.
please let me keep you.
all of you.

some days i think i have it together.
some days i wish i was stronger.
most days,
i just wish i could hear you loud and clear.


hmmmm
pensive tonight!

i really love harmonicas.
and i really love how much you love peewee.


i totally wish i was into really cool artsy films that just... blew my mind.
my repetoire of movies i could watch over and over again...
intensely disneyfied.


i like climbing trees
coloring books
paint by number
and playing mash on wednesday afternoons

my mind wanders too much to write a complete thought right now....
come write a song with me.

in fields where the yellow grass grows knee high

come away with me, and i'll never stop loving you...


Norah makes me feel like I'm close to the eden i was meant for.

UTOPIA! yessss.

4th of July was successful, traipsing about the camp fire. closing my eyes for the 4th annual fire jump. and closing my ears for the slumber party with the boys. halfway, anyways. :p

made new friends from Dallas, and oh they fit with us so nicely. i genuinely miss them.


and its a funny feeling, missing someone right in front of your eyes...

I AM BLESSED. and i feel as though no one has the caliber of best friends that i do.
and i also am blessed with mother nature, and an uncanny erupting subconscious.
Brittany knows. Bethany knows. they love me, and my booty dance.
i love them more everyday. we grow together.



every day, i am reminded that i am special, after all.
and even when my favorite pair of brown eyes aren't around to tell me,
even when my favorite tattooed arms aren't around to show me,
i can close my eyes and be convinced
that i am special, after all.

Gardening for the sweet smell of Roses

So maybe i hopped on the blog train a little late, maybe just in time... who knows.
confined to the blogs of Myspace i had no idea blog spots were such a huge deal these days.

bear with me as i learn to spill my guts eloquently.


i'm all about past joys this summer...
like this outdoor school song that randomly popped into my head a week or so back and hasn't got around to disappearing into the depths of my memory quite yet.
once i swore i would sing this to my husband every night...

if you love me, if you love me
if you love love love me
plant a rose for me
and if you love me, if you love me
if you love love love me
I'll plant an apple tree
so weather i stay
or weather i go
you'll have an apple
and I'll have a rose
so if you love me, if you love me
if you love love love me
plant a rose for me.

Something along those lines...
it's an enjoyable tune.

so I've gotten to thinking a lot about memory lately, the depths of what we remember is almost a scary thought. There are so many memories stored up, it only seems reasonable that one of these days I'm going to start having slight malfunctions and recalling things that are mere figments of my imagination at best, or worse, i could stop remembering at all. The Smell of clean cotton could simply become a pleasantry, and spark no memories of my best friend putting dryer sheets in her bag for the comfort of the familiar scent.

Speaking of smells... ever have smell dejavu? i was talking to Andrew about this the other day.
like one minute your just blindly going through the motions sitting somewhere in a park or whatever, and then all the sudden BAM! you get this smell in your nose that doesn't belong, like of your dad's old cologne, or your mom spaghetti. And its so real!
happens all the time to me...
intense. i tell ya.

hey Edgefield! call me!


i like blogging.
i hope i can keep it up.

courtesy of my avid blogger friend Taylor comes the next section...

Current readings:
Captivating

current listenings:
Amadeus soundtrack (Mozart)